Emotional intimacy and vulnerability can be a struggle since both require each partner to confront their true feelings and past experiences. Communication and compromise encourage both partners to confront their flaws, work through conflict, and practice forgiveness. This requires a lot of emotional maturity and can be tough for everyone sometimes.
Over time, it’s very common for long-term couples to fall into a routine, and it may take more work to keep the relationship fresh. To keep the spark alive, try showing gratitude for your partner and trying new things together. If you’ve been dating a long time, it’s normal for you and your partner to change as the relationship progresses. To make things work, try supporting your partner and taking an interest in their new hobbies, interests, and goals.
Figure out what you want and need out of your relationship so you can communicate that to your partner. Try expressing how you feel to your partner. Say something like, “I really care about you, but it makes me feel a little hurt that I’m the only one that plans our dates. It’d mean a lot to me if things were a little more equal in our relationship. " If your partner doesn’t respond empathetically or make an effort to change, this may not be a healthy relationship for you. As hard as it may be, there are people out there who will be able to give you the effort you’re looking for!
Perhaps your partner doesn’t like setting dates for plans, but you do. You might say, “My schedule is a little busy this week. Do you think we could pick a date for when we’re going to the movies this week?” If your partner responds negatively to a reasonable request like this, that’s a sign that the two of you aren’t super compatible.
Try pushing yourself to be open about your interests, hobbies, and past experiences with your partner. You may find that your partner loves these things about you. If being true to yourself creates more distance between you and your partner, you may not be in the right relationship.
Try to accept your partner for who they are and where they’re at right now. If you aren’t happy with the person they are currently, that’s a sign that you may not be compatible. Even if your partner is making unhealthy choices, it’s ultimately up to them to change in their own time. Repeatedly reminding them or asking them to change is not only a lot of work, but it can also be very painful for both of you.
You might be confused about whether your relationship is making you unhappy or something else in your life. If you’re able, seek out a counselor or therapist to help you explore your feelings and reflect on what may be upsetting you.
Wait until you and your partner are alone, then bring up how you feel. Use I-statements that emphasize how you’re feeling without attacking your partner. Then, ask them for their point of view and see if you can find a compromise. If your partner is unwilling to communicate or compromise with you, it may be a sign that the relationship is not mutually fulfilling.
For example, it’s no big deal if you and your partner share different music tastes or hobbies. You may run into trouble if you don’t see eye to eye on big things like marriage, children, and where you would like to live long-term. If you’re not sure where you and your partner stand, have an honest conversation with each other about your values, life aspirations, and goals for the relationship.
Resources like loveisrespect. org and thehotline. org can provide additional support to help you identify signs of abuse and come up with a safe exit plan.
